Comical Abandonment

Picture this: four golden retriever puppies, soaked to the bone, huddled together in a cardboard box on the side of a rainy road. Their big brown eyes look up at you, pleading. You can almost hear Sarah McLachlan singing Angel in the background, the 90s version, perched on a guardrail with her guitar, drenched but determined.

You pull over, heart breaking. You think about the two dogs and three cats already ruling your townhouse. You think about your husband’s threats of divorce if you bring home one more animal.

And then, of course, you take the puppies.

Abandonment can simply be defined as the act of physically or figuratively leaving something or someone behind. It’s an emotional parting or disengagement from a scenario, with the disconnection typically being permanent and resulting in feelings of rejection or loneliness. Whether personally or in the workplace, this action can weigh heavily on a person and a team. 

Associating the drama of the puppy scene with the disconnection of a team or a team member may feel like a far reach. How could anything be more tragic than wet golden retriever puppies on the side of the road? But when you think about navigating away from someone who leans on you, even at work, it can be painful and tragic. Possibly enough to trigger the dogs and the 90’s.

Surprisingly, my inspiring mind behind abandonment was not Sarah McLachlan. My true inspiration and reason for my assessment was none other than comedian Amy Poehler. I started watching her master class, Prepare to be Unprepared, originally seeking improvement on my ability to perform at a high level when being put on the spot. 

Poehler is a master at improv. Her comfort level and ability to discuss topics she has zero knowledge of with poise is truly admirable. But while learning how to be put on the spot, something unexpectedly struck me. Her commitment and stance around never bailing on your team. 

Poehler describes an intimidating improv skit. Performing an SNL stand-up that is starting to slowly implode and the critical moment when everyone has the difficult obligation to persevere till the end. 

As I listen to Poehler explain the scene, I try to imagine myself on the SNL stage. Surrounded by 300 live people, with 8 million more watching from home. Dressed in a ridiculous costume on some cheesy set, painfully attempting to be funny.  

It hadn’t dawned on me prior, but what if it wasn’t? Or worse yet, what if your colleague began to feel the pressure? You’re attempting to bounce jokes back and forth, but they have started to disengage. You watch them as they begin to crumble beneath the limelight, unable to endure the idea of this moment falling flat. Dreading the aftermath of the late-night TV goers ripping your performance apart on social media the next morning.

Poehler does a much better job setting the intensity of this moment than I do. But more importantly she highlights the integrity of the work at stake and emphasizes something crucial. The professional aftermath of your decision to either abandon the scene or prioritize your commitment over the potential defeat.

The scene may be remembered as a failure. But you will be remembered for one of two options:

1.  Your loyalty and willingness to perform through the end and show up again next Saturday. 

2. Or for leaving your team and abandoning the scene. 

In improv, abandoning the scene kills the energy.

In leadership, it kills the culture.

When I took my first CEO job, I had the opportunity to open a new location from the ground up. I was able to hire the entire team, create a culture from scratch, and possibly bring world peace. The location was somewhat unglamorous, but I convinced myself to look past that and embrace opening a new site and the successful future track my career would be on. 

The unanticipated challenges that my team and I encountered in the first four months were beyond unexpected. We were scraping for business, missing budget, and having to cut employee hours. 

There were many moments in that initial time span that I toyed around with the idea of leaving and finding something different. I had persuaded myself that this wasn’t a good fit, I wasn’t using my skills to the fullest, my suits were too perfect, and my heels were too high.

But none of that was even close to the truth. Not using my skills to the fullest? I didn’t even know what the needed skills looked like. 

I ended up having to do a reduction in force and my key player in business development left. There were several demanding days where I found myself daydreaming about working somewhere else, leaving my field completely and becoming a fashion designer or tending bar. I was becoming disconnected from some of my team members, unsure of how I could support them.

Some days the business was so low, I wouldn’t walk into the cafeteria to get lunch for fear of facing my employees. Starving at my desk I would scroll through LinkedIn looking for a lead or something to get me out of my current scenario. They were all turning to me for a life jacket and I was too distracted assembling my inflatable single person paddle board to hand them one.  

Poehler alludes to the negative impacts of being half in and half out. You can abandon before you even step out of the building. Every time I was focusing on possibly leaving, I was mentally diverting from the execution and work it was going to take to get the team off the ground. 

It’s unfair to your team to be only half in the game. You have a responsibility to do what’s right. If you can’t be a fully engaged leader, then clear a path for the right one to jump in. And yes, there will be consequences to your future career and perception of your level of commitment. But your ultimate responsibility is to your team.

I chose to engage with my team and the mission we had all committed to. 

After I mentally jumped back in, my fight became our fight and suddenly the work wasn’t so taxing. I quit looking for other jobs after challenging calls, I stopped avoiding my people and trusted that they were in this with me. I realized that if I committed my focus to them, they would remain loyal to me. 

Now there are times in your career where you must understand and know your limitations. If the company had been pushing me out simultaneously while I was self-loathing, I may have made a different choice. 

But they weren’t. I was simply distracted by the idea of failure and the challenges I had met with my professional skill set. I had to face poor decisions that had been made and learn how to avoid repeating them in the future. 

Maybe the skit is atrocious and all of America tears you open on social media. But these moments don’t eliminate your career. There will be a stage to perform another skit. And if you have the right team, they will all show up with you the next day.

The probability of passing or failing will no longer be a driving force behind engagement. If individuals are basing their dedication on this probability, they may not be the right person for the job.

My team knew that I was not going to let them down, but more importantly I knew they weren’t going to abandon me either. They may never know or read this post, but they are the only reason we were able to turn the ship around.